The Big Fat Indian Wedding…. Ideology needs to change!

October 31, 2009 at 5:15 pm 7 comments

I was talking to a friend’s wife recently who was visiting her parents. While chatting she told me that she is busy shopping as she will be returning back in a few days and gifts for everyone are yet to be bought. What gifts? And I got the biggest revelation of year 2009 that we are still living in the 19th century.

She told me that a girl every time visits her parents (even if it is twice in a month) is supposed to go back loaded with gifts for her husband and his family. It is a ritual which has been practiced for centuries. So from clothes to even slippers everything is gifted. And she has to display everything at her in-laws house.

And your husband accepts it? More importantly expects it? Yes, it is a custom and the traditional family we are there is no way that it will not be done. Well, the revelation definitely left me speechless. But there was more to come when I was told the ‘gift’ (read dowry) her parents gave in the wedding I was totally dumbfounded (still am).

In the name of traditions, rituals etc… What all we do? It made me think, and now I know, every time I will meet this friend one thing that will come to mind is, did he marry her because she is great girl and a perfect match for him or because it meant a lifetime ticket to gifts?

Why do parents of a girl think they are morally bound with these traditions? Why do they still believe that their daughter’s happiness and respect in her ‘sasural’ depends on what they give? Why doesn’t the guy who is  man enough to marry and have a family not tell them that I am grateful to you that you gave me your girl and I need nothing more. I am able enough to take care of my family’s requirement. Why can’t he tell his parents that materialistic things are not what make a relationship strong but the values and we have come of age???

Which world do we live in? What society is this?  Feels like this is not marriage but a sale, where a girl’s family has to pay regular installments (not easy) for marrying off their daughter.

Oh yes, what is stopping an educated girl to speak her mind fails me too? If you don’t agree with something then stand-up and speak your MIND!!! If you carry it forward then you are bound to pass it on as a “tradition” to your children too.

 A disillusioned Delhizen….

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7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Prateek  |  October 31, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    This is utterly ridiculous but saddly the truth. There are many who are highly educated but too coward to speak their minds. The situation of women has changed a lot on paper and government sensex, but the ground reality is a lot different. In most patriachal houses women don’t have much say. This can change if you change the mindset of people.
    And tell your friend that their is no such ritual in which the girl has to bring presents for her in laws each time she visits her parents. I haven’t seen this ritual ever in my house. And no one can demand anything from her, but if she is bringing gifts on her own will, then that is a different matter.

    Reply
  • 2. Gaurav  |  November 1, 2009 at 9:21 am

    The girls need to become stricter.

    Why to marry a man who expects dowry from your family?

    Forget about traditions, follow the good traditions not the bad ones.

    Reply
  • 3. Smita  |  November 1, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    It is really sad to see that where most of India seems to be modern in thoughts and the politicians claiming to have curbed down dowry system, such practices are still very much prevalent in the society.

    This is one reason I think it’s important to have the financial independence before a girl thinks of getting married. So that she can’t be stressed into such absurd “traditions”. And the husband who accepts and expects such things from his wife deserves to be given a good hard kick. Such people are an abomination to the institution of marriage.

    Reply
  • 4. Toon India  |  November 3, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    nice post..well in our society a lot of old these anitquated so called ‘traditions’ are going on…an the sad thing is people expect them to continue the way it is..so unless and until the educated of our country become ‘educated’ in the true sense of the word..this wouldn’t stop!!

    Reply
  • 5. delhizen  |  November 3, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    @ Rahul: Why don’t you make a toon on this theme and tk the message further!

    Reply
  • 6. Mayur  |  November 4, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    As you have rightly pointed out, it is the ideology that needs to be changed. Let us not generalize the traditions. Dowry was condemned long back. Yet it exists under our very nose. May be not in the form that it was once there.

    My sister is getting married next month and we will be giving her loads of gifts. Not because we have to.. because we want to. But the day her groom will start asking for it, he will get a tight slap from me.

    It is all in the mind… and the mind needs to be cleansed on many such things.

    Reply
  • 7. daldoopayReda  |  December 12, 2009 at 11:17 am

    I’m frequently searching for brandnew posts in the WWW about this issue. Thanks!

    Reply

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