When Women travel to Mars and Men try to find their way to Venus?

February 4, 2010 at 1:33 pm 29 comments

A Guest Post by Dr. D, a qualified doctor. When not delivering babies or prescribing those pills to patients she dons the hat of a counsellor. Here is a post by her that looks into the mind of a regular woman who is always trying to figure out why this in a relationship. Though the article is written for women & their issues it will also help the Men folk to understand their partners better.
N’joy…!

You know one thing I have failed to understand is how can anyone stay with someone else 24X7.I know I definitely can’t! Be it my mom, my dad, my sister, brother, my boyfriend, my friends, my best friend. It can be any human; I cannot stay with them 24X7.

I mean its fun at first, maybe for a few days but then it starts to get to me. Am I abnormal? I often wondered… But over time if I have understood anything, ‘ONE SHUDNT STAY WITH ANYONE 24X7X4X12 😉 because we just can’t! Human beings aren’t designed to be like that. Friction will definitely happen. It just will, because we have a folly called speech. We’re off one day, say something. BOOM. CONFLICT!

See I didnt include my dog in the list above, I can stay with my dog most definetly 24X7 because it doesn’t talk, and loves unconditionally! Humans can’t do that so expecting that from anyone is unrealistic…

So the key to any successful relationship is spend time apart!!!

So when ever u feel like giving a long list of crib-lings to your partner..These are some points one can use

1. Have your own friend circle

2. Have some hobbies

3. Do the things you always crib bout; I don’t get time to do this, I never get time to do that, girl fix up a facial appointment or a massage- when was the last time you got one?

4. Spend time with family grandparents especially, give them a call. Not just hello how are you? Have a lengthy conversation. We all are guilty of not doing enough of that. The part shock, part thrill in their voice will make your day. Or if you live with them then take them out for a coffee.

You might have to carry their walker around but let that not be an excuse, I especially love talking to my grand dad bout pre independence era and how was his life then. Of course the conversation usually veers to Nehru bashing or China/Pak bashing no matter what we are talking about, but that’s another thing.

5. Meet a friend you have been promising to meet
6. Call some friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time
7. Meet your best friend
8. Go for a run/walk

A very introspective friend asked me a few questions (and that’s what lead to this post because I know she is not the only one searching for answers):

Q. Why do expectations creep in a relationship?

Well it’s completely natural. Especially if you are with somebody, as in exclusive and all! Then you suddenly expect them to be everything from your chauffer to shopping bag holder and much more, that’s ok. It’s not wrong;-P but if you are sensible enough you will know when to draw a line. No worries &. Don’t fret!

Mostly a part of you knows yourself when you’re being unrealistic, or unreasonable. Listen to that voice, There’s nothing realistic or unrealistic, as such, it depends on the time and situation. If your Boyfriend is in a board meeting and you are feeling needy and want to coochy coo! Its unrealistic, you gotta deal with it. But if he’s out with his friends maybe he cud call u for 5 min. but not longer. He’s out woman, let him be! And if he just can’t, it’s ok. Call one of your girlfriend’s and bitch. If you are still confused and you have a professional agony aunt like me for a friend, discuss it! Seriously discuss it with someone sensible, whose opinion you trust. Who will give u a fair perspective, not that bitchy girlfriend for sure.

Q. Are they wrong?

They are definitely not wrong, u just gotta check yourself from time to time, like I said its completely natural

Q. How do expectations impact a relationship?

They definitely do impact when you are being unreasonable. At 1st it maybe just a “I’m sorry sweetie I would really speak with you longer but I really can’t.” Then it maybe “Look! I really can’t talk. Can I call u later please!” that’s treading thin ice, you should know.And in any case if someone is too clingy all the time it doesn’t work

Q. How to deal with them?

Try the above mentioned points. Other than that if something is really bothering you. Be honest.

On say a Sunday when your partner is completely free and not doing much… tell him(I’m writing more from a woman’s perspective ‘cos usually women have these issues.. lets be honest) that you need to talk!

You could also start like, “Look I know I might be being unreasonable and I’m not complaining… If we discuss this maybe you can help me in how to deal with this” or that it really does bother you and you need their help in dealing with it, and go on…. Please whatever you do… don’t get hysterical! He might see your point and be more considerate the next time.

And best of all like I said above talk to someone whose opinion you trust and you are comfortable with and you know it won’t go out if u tell them.

Rest, I can say one thing with certainty, mostly these sort of issues come up in the beginning of a relationship ‘cos u just cant get enough of each other, but later on you’ll be thrilled when he’s out with his friends , when you can be with your friends, without him, when you can be alone. Time to pamper yourself, you really will, trust me!

Not because now you are bored of each other , but ‘cos its healthier this way, and then the time you spend together , after being apart a bit, you will have more fun!

And like most other things in life the more you run after something the more it runs away from you! So give him his space babe and he’ll give you the attention and dollops more… Be patient and really, have your own life!

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Entry filed under: COL- Circle of Life!.

PS: Merci Beaucoup ! Don’t be a Hapless Spectator to a slient Heart Attack

29 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sweta  |  February 4, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    Very nice article .. relationship is like Nature it takes its own time to grow like a plant …..In life if anything is done too much its not good….one has to be balanced

    Reply
  • 2. Mayur  |  February 4, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    aaahhh! big (BIG) post. But a good post.

    I can explain it in one line. It is the law of diminishing marginal utility. The more you have of some thing or some one, the less important it becomes. Initially you feel even the 24hours is less. But after some time, it kinda starts bugging you. The conflict arises when one partner understands the law earlier/later than theother.

    Right balance is the key.

    Reply
  • 3. Dr. D  |  February 4, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    thanks guys, glad sum ppl liked it, agree wth u totally sweta, @mayur very well put, but try n explain it to ur GF, lets see whether she’ll get it!

    Reply
    • 4. Dr. D  |  February 4, 2010 at 3:32 pm

      @mayur i mean the way u said it! ;P

      Reply
    • 5. Mayur  |  February 4, 2010 at 3:46 pm

      @Dr. D: If my wife finds out that I have a GF, I’m doomed. *looks around ans hides*

      Reply
      • 6. delhizen  |  February 4, 2010 at 3:46 pm

        @ mayur … good one! 😉

  • 7. Prateek  |  February 4, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Nice post. I now have some idea about how a woman feels and thinks (Dr. D has mentioned that she is writing more from a woman’s prospective), though it won’t be of much use right now since I am not in a relationship of anykind with anyone, but the knowledge can come in handy later on in life.

    Reply
    • 8. Dr. D  |  February 4, 2010 at 3:58 pm

      thanks prateek!

      Reply
  • 9. Dr. D  |  February 4, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    @ oh i’m sorry lol meant to write GF/Wife, wchever’s applicable.. or both 😉

    Reply
  • 10. AMIT  |  February 4, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    …strange I never felt like that ( not yet may be ) …would it be safe if I send it to my wife ..

    Reply
    • 11. Dr. D  |  February 4, 2010 at 6:30 pm

      i think so 🙂 it wud b safe 🙂

      Reply
    • 12. Dr. D  |  February 4, 2010 at 6:39 pm

      and its a good thing u never felt that way!

      Reply
  • 13. Nags  |  February 4, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    nice post Dr D .. and a good mantra for married ladiez who complain marriage is boring, paying the bills all the time.

    PS: no less in length as compared to my posts 😛

    Reply
    • 14. Dr. D  |  February 5, 2010 at 11:24 am

      Thanks nags!! thou ths ws essentially fr a girl who’s jst got into a relationshp, bt thts a huge complimnt thts it ws of sum use to married women as well.

      yea iv bn gettn tht, bout the length ;P bt im the sort u’d expect long sms/mails frm,.. lol . ths ws actually a mail writtn JLT fr a frnd in response to her questns.. Delhizen happen to read it , n decided to put it up! i, ofcourse, ws honoured! 🙂

      Reply
      • 15. delhizen  |  February 5, 2010 at 12:17 pm

        @ Dr. D

        Please clarify me no mail hacker ;)! Readers, I happen to get an opportunity to meet & discuss issues like these with her and she decided to share a copy of one her counseling sessions with moi. Since these questions are not limited to any one woman in particular, I felt could be put up as a post! I am glad everyone liked it so much

        @ Sweta, Amit, Aditya welcome to Delhizens blog 🙂 hope to see you here more often!

  • 16. 2/4/2010 Update « MissGlobe  |  February 4, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    […] When Women travel to Mars and Men try to find their way to Venus … […]

    Reply
  • 17. aditya  |  February 4, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    hmmmm hey dr D thts an interesting thought der…u know..its true that space needs to be given by both the sides….n yes draw a line with ur expectations….quite true….i must say well written 🙂

    Reply
  • 18. aditya  |  February 4, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    oh yes i would to add one more thing and one from a guy’s perspective ……guys never repeat NEVER like being remote controlled………

    Reply
    • 19. Dr. D  |  February 5, 2010 at 11:18 am

      thankx aditya!! i guess nobody likes to b remote controlled irrespective of being a guy/girl!

      Reply
  • 20. Dr. D  |  February 5, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Yes, Yes , DZ did not hack into my mail.. thou it wsnt like a counselling session n all .. more like a fun thng..a casual thng! thou if u wnt we cn start an agony aunt column in ur blog! lol

    Reply
  • 21. Ankit Madan  |  February 5, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    Dr. D ! nice name there! Loved reading this stuff 🙂

    Reply
    • 22. Dr. D  |  February 5, 2010 at 3:27 pm

      thanks ankit ! so sweet! 😀

      Reply
  • 23. Rahul Yadav  |  February 6, 2010 at 4:39 am

    @Dr D – awesome thought, couldn`t agree more…

    I would also like to add a small thought here.

    The problem is not of staying/being together with one person forever…but growing bored out of it…things changes/time change n so should the relationship..it should evolve….

    What was a last new thing that u n ur partner did together….a new common hobby…a new place u guys visited….

    Reply
    • 24. Dr. D  |  February 6, 2010 at 5:15 pm

      hey rahul, good inputs!:)

      Reply
  • 25. 2/6/2010 Update « MissGlobe  |  February 6, 2010 at 11:25 am

    […] When Women travel to Mars and Men try to find their way to Venus … […]

    Reply
  • 26. Astha Sindhwani  |  February 7, 2010 at 10:20 am

    It cant be more true than this!!! Well i’ve had many such counselling sessions with Dr. D:-p and it has worked every single time…. So Dr. D good going with this writing…post more of this stuff if u can…a very interesting read….

    Reply
  • 27. Dr. D  |  February 8, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    @astha thanks sweetie,cant say if i’d be doin this soon, bt..
    thanks evryone.. i had a lot of fun reading the feedbk.. and @delhizen special thanx to u .. lotsa luv

    Reply
  • 28. saandeep  |  February 25, 2010 at 2:00 am

    Yeah as mayur quoted, this can be said in a similar way as
    before marriage and after marriage! for lovers.
    I mean the people change since before they are not sure but after they are sure that ,they are partners!

    Applicable for guys and gals!

    wonderfully written , I never had any personal experience but observed many many people who fight! because of expectations!

    Very nice post Dr. D Ji

    Reply
  • 29. Dr. D  |  February 26, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    dhanaywaad sandeep ji .. 🙂 hw nice to kno ppl r still readng it 🙂

    Reply

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