There’s more to life than Black & White

May 15, 2010 at 2:49 pm 21 comments

She is doctor for many and a crusader for me. Dr. D again picks up an issue that most us have faced at some point or the other. Be it because of our looks, color, height, weight and all such jazz.

My take on the matter ‘Feel and be the real you and not the way world wants to see’!

So who decides what’s perfect? You, me, someone years back already did that, who was proven to have godly powers?

My question is who decides what’s pretty, beautiful? Who decided fair is more beautiful than dark or flawless skin is more beautiful than a one with blemishes?

Did god send a cross signed manual along with the first few living creatures? I’m guessing not; so it’s a learnt sense, learnt, conditioned thoughts, right?

I’m sure you’ve heard that in the time of Da Vinci , women without eyebrows or their eyebrows completely shaved were considered beautiful, can you or I or any woman imagine doing that today?! NO!!!

Why not? If something was beautiful once why is the thought of it even, so ghastly today? Simply because what is considered beautiful today is different, someone’s choices changed. His choice influenced another person’s choice and so on and so forth, like a domino effect. But that first person who could think differently had to actually think differently! And then eventually all agreed.

Today our choices, our governed by what the advertisements are preaching, gori hote hi film mein role, aur award mil jata hai, and serials are portraying what are fast becoming the norms. In fact I feel we are going very retro in our traditions, with an advent of these serials but that’s another topic.

My point being, that even though many of us, claim we are not influenced by all these things , but somewhere , subconsciously maybe, it silently creeps into our brains, and decides our stereotypes, and our judgments of good or bad , right or wrong, the cool thing to do or worthy of being jeered at!

There was this bizarre movie I saw, Zoolander; I’m sure many of you have seen it, but it did convey what I’m trying to say, maybe in an over the top manner.

Are we all not controlled into thinking whats beautiful and whats not?

I mean who is someone else to decide what looks good on me?
Every time I get a new pimple, someone tells me oh! You got a pimple! As if I lost an arm or something! With the consolatory expression, in tow!

I remember once, when I was still in school, I had a big pimple on my face, and my older cousin sister was at my place, and she exclaimed the usual, Oh! You have a pimple , and I replied, rather brightly, Yeah! Doesn’t it look cute! Really I actually thought that the big pimple in the middle of my cheek looked cute.. And my cousin gave me a look as if I was crazy, and had completely lost it.

So whats wrong if I find my pimple cute, who decided in the first place a pimple is uncute?! Its simply a personal choice 🙂

Is there anything wrong if I love my flaws, I mean god made each one of us in a proportionate way I believe, and gave us features that truly suit us.

So why do these Bollywood heroines go for multiple nose surgeries to get that perfect nose which sometimes ends up looking not so perfect, a la shilpa Shetty!

If I’m tall, have a long face, a long nose will look better on me, than a small hardly there, speck of a nose!

The trend, rather sad case of giving into societal norms started by these bollywood heroines has spilled over in the general public, and trust me, I have seen disasters.

Personally I think each feature in a person conveys a certain character; why would you wanna change that? We can blame the doctors, oh they have become salesmen! They’ll do anything to make money, but I think we all are to blame, at large. Sure the doctors are at fault too, but they are just playing on our own insecurities.

The ideas we put into each other, our kids, knowingly, unknowingly.

My little cousin sister started using make up since the age of 12yrs, she’s 22 now; Has fantastic sharp features , is a brilliant, very mature girl. But every time she goes out, she puts layers of make up, and her mother complains sometimes, she doesn’t like it, she mentioned it to me once. And asked me what should she do; I simply told her that it was all her fault and it’s a little late in the day to change that.

My cousin, Sheetal, is a little on the darker side. Father was dark, mother is fair, she’s somewhere in between. I think she’s really really beautiful, but ever since I can remember her mom used to go (when ever she was watching TV or something), “kitni gori heroine hai, kitni sundar hai!” She never told her daughter that because she was dark and therefore she was perhaps not so pretty, but she soon understood that, thanks to her mother’s casual remarks, and the insecurity enhanced further by societal notions.

The mother didn’t realise the ideas she was putting into her daughter’s head… and then she was complaining why her daughter puts layers and layers of make up, to look fairer?!

It’s not just limited to physical beauty, we even pass on our fears and insecurities to the people around us.. So as maybe the generation responsible for the next one, we must learn to be individuals who can think with our own uncluttered minds. Free of any pre formed notions. I know it’s not entirely possible to do that and is very difficult.
To err maybe human, but human has also the power and a thinking brain to realize and learn from those mistakes.

So next time you pass a judgment on something, think again, if it’s really your own judgment… You’ll be surprised how differently one can view life.. After all..When all think alike no one thinks much.

If we want to grow and rise above mediocrity, we have to make our own judgments, free of influences..

To sum it up, a few lines by simon and garfunkel, from the song, sounds of silence which I absolutely love to ponder on…

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon gods they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence..


Entry filed under: COL- Circle of Life!.

Enough of ‘Mum-ism’ I love the Doodles

21 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Prateek  |  May 15, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    A very good post. You seem to be on a posting spree now. 🙂
    If you start following trends then you had it, it is a vicious circle. My cousin is 6 years younger to me and in school and she is so obssessed about her nail polosh, hair, the dress should be proper etc. She spends hours wasting time in front of a mirror. It is all right if you want to look good but a line has to be drawn, before it becomes a form of mania. And the obssision with white skin is something beyind my understanding.
    I wrote a similar post on it in november last year and I guess Sapna too wrote on it a week later. Posting the link to my post here for reference

  • 2. Prateek  |  May 15, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    Oops sorry! The credit goes to Dr. D. My bad.
    I would also like to add a point that the craze about the perfect body and features has led to people opting for plastic surgery. And it shows that they are fake.

  • 3. unrernody  |  May 15, 2010 at 11:24 pm

    Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!


  • 4. Dr. D  |  May 17, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    @ prateek thanks for the credit 😛 read your blog , exactly what i’m trying to say, but what i also wanna add this can be understood at a lot of levels like our career choices, our personal choices, so many times we end up making the wrong ones cos we are afraid to break away from the norm, whenever i’m faced with such a situation i ask myself, “what would you do if u weren’t afraid?”

    @ christian , thanks fr the appreciation 🙂

    @Delhizen crusader?! wow! i know u love me .. but.. anywy 🙂 its alright , thanks i guess 🙂 and thanks as always fr posting ths!

  • 5. Shweta  |  May 17, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    Hey, quite the blow that many ppl from my past need 🙂 Been subjected to the ‘retributions’ of being tan-prone. And at an age when the difference in skin colour just begins to be a divisor. Thankfully for me, my immediate family thinks I am beautiful 🙂 But anytime the same comment came from a stranger or lesser known person, I thought I was being mocked. For didnt they see I was dark? 🙂 Thanks, a few skeletons out of my cupboard there!

    • 6. Dr. D  |  May 20, 2010 at 11:50 pm

      First of all thanks for your forthright thoughts, I agree with you that even if parents are conscientious, sometimes relatives or people around can say or do things that can create complexes for a lifetime. I think that is why its very important that we are all very aware , and the kids should be encouraged to tell their parents everything; If that fear or complex is shed at the very moment someone tries to insinuate it , it would not develop into something bigger or even be overcome at that time itself and give a strong foundation, based on things that actually matter.

  • 7. Astha  |  May 18, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    My!My! My! Another one of your master piece and its so real as always.You have brought forward the truth which most of us inspite of knowing tend to forget.I have always admired you for your thoughts and tried to imbibe them within myself:-)and there’s more to learn from you i must say that.Proud of u my sis for blogging on issues which are true&relevant to us…

    • 8. delhizen  |  May 19, 2010 at 3:02 pm

      astha, babes.. welcome again to my space.. at least say hi to moi…I know you sis is good writer but give us a chance too 😉

      • 9. Astha  |  May 20, 2010 at 1:24 pm

        so sorry…;-p…just skipped outta my mind.Vaise i really like ur intros….forgot to tell u b4…but ya both the times for Dr. D’s intro…it was eye catching.Good going:-)

      • 10. delhizen  |  May 20, 2010 at 1:47 pm

        Thankew Astha, though the point to be noted here is you only ready what I wrote about your sister !! Must say she gotta an admirer in you 😉

  • 11. Dr. D  |  May 20, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Ah my two favourite women!
    @ Astha thanks babe for being so generous with your praise,i dont think i deserve it, but thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed reading it!

    @Delhizen Sweetie if u make life threatening calls to Astha to read and comment on your blog, she’ll read yours too! 😀

    p.s: @Astha What Miss DZ is trying to say there are other posts on this blog which are written my her, so please spend some valuable time of yours reading that too 🙂

    Ok do i convey both your points effectively ladies? Now, no fighting! 😛

  • 12. madhuri  |  May 22, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    totally agree with what u/ dr d said. must say, if the world thought this way, there would be revolution of thought..everything would change! anyway,s great blog…

    • 13. delhizen  |  May 24, 2010 at 11:54 am

      Hi Madhuri,

      Thankyew for the comment and appreciating the post and the blog on whole. Hoping to see you as regular here! cheers

    • 14. Dr. D  |  May 24, 2010 at 5:36 pm

      Hey Madhuri! Thanks a ton! heard so much bout you.. 🙂

  • 15. Shalini Verma  |  May 22, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    i feel these r issues which have been hammered into our brains since we start lookin at ourselves in the mirror or try to figure out wat beauty is al about…..not necessarily anyone from family .bt neighbours, frens,acquaintances,tv n so on ……who says beautiful means someone who is fair,tall,slender….. infact if v go by the dictionary also, it says …its a quality that gives pleasure to the sight or which awakens admiration in the mind. so who said that white is more globally accepted.. hey don we always wanna wear somethin black wen we go out … it a party or dinner or perhaps jus a coffee(yaa i know this is a lil off track but jus felt like fittin it too:-) ) its jus a matter of personal choices… since childhood me n trust me most of the girls have dreamt of this dark tall n handsome guy ridin a horse comin for u ….has anybody heard… fair ,tall n handsome.(i know again silly point but valid)………………….anyway its very nice of Dr. D to write abt such issues…. it only shows that she’s a wonderful person n is blessed with a beautiful heart….which all the more makes her a very beautiful person……

    gud work …keep writin..its one of those talents which got a lil sidelined due to other imp thins at that point of time …nice to c u gettin back at it ..n must say wat a come back haan………CHEERS

    • 16. Dr. D  |  May 24, 2010 at 5:40 pm

      Thanks Shalini for your inputs and for your lavish compliments.Lotsa luv!

      • 17. Dr. D  |  May 27, 2010 at 12:01 am

        And as you have pertinently pointed out, how these things are hammered into our brains, my point being exactly that, that how easily we tend to accept the norms as the rule.. its an abuse to our intellect! Even rules ought to be questioned then these things are just stereotypes..

  • 18. BullsEye  |  May 29, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    Hmmm..Nice point you have raised..I have been pointed upon because of my Dark complexion during school days..And i am pretty sure the ideas in the kids mind would transgress from their parents (or television may be)..I saw this movie ‘Shallow Hall’, it pointed in a comic way how inner beauty is more important than outer beauty..Nice post overall..

    • 19. Dr. D  |  June 1, 2010 at 10:04 pm

      Thanks a ton!

  • 20. Jaky Astik  |  June 13, 2010 at 12:41 am

    Loving yourself is the most wonderful gift you can give to yourself and others. And from the day I watched ‘the secret’ I’ve stopped judging people.

    Most of the time, we judge people from their negative point of view and that attracts more negative vibrations. Why harm yourself? Love yourself and accept things and stay happy.

    Like Abraham teaches we’re not here to judge. All we got to do is enjoy what we can and leave what we don’t.

    • 21. Dr. D  |  June 15, 2010 at 8:36 am

      Right on Jaky!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


  • 35,284 hits

Posts from the past

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 50 other followers

Delhizen captures



%d bloggers like this: