Mad Man’s History Lessons: Timeline 1 by Sudhir Pai

March 2, 2013 at 12:05 am 1 comment

6732 BC – Man discovers fire. He later uses it to destroy all other documents that provide evidence for his worthless existence up until then. For the first time in history, history is rewritten.

3724 BC – After nearly 3000 years of destroying his surroundings with fire, man discovers the wheel. One enterprising chap puts together three more wheels to use it as a vehicle so as to spread the effects of fire. Once every few years, he gets lost. So he invents a map, and gives it to his wife.

2918 BC – A geometry teacher loses his patience with an Egyptian king, who simply could not visualise the Pyramid. Decides to build a very large pyramid and then bury the king in it. A lesson to students who just refuse to understand.

1876 BC – After being beaten embarrassingly in a game of Jenga, one rich merchant in England swears revenge. After years of training, he beats his nemesis convincingly. And just to make his landmark victory known to the world, he recreates his opponent’s moment of failure with 100 tonne stones. Thousands of years later, historians would still wonder what the Stone Henge was all about.

778 BC – Money first appears in Persia

776 BC – China makes its first move to kill world commerce by setting up an industry to manufacture counterfeit money

525 BC – First Naked Olympics organised. Much to the disappointment of male audiences, women refuse to participate!

431 BC – Pepolonnesian war begins. The lawyers on two sides agree on a peace treaty, but fail to agree on the spelling of Polenepposian. The impasse continues for 27 years, as does the war, before they finally zero in on Peloponnesian as a suitably long name to describe a highly confusing war.

214 BC – Tired of pesky neighbours, one Chinese king decides to build a wall. On seeing the noble king lay the first stone, millions of Chinese decide to become a part of history and lay one brick each. Some began to compete with their neighbours, by laying more bricks than the other. This competition goes on till a 1500-mile wall is built, and thoudands are rendered homeless because their families are left on the other side of the wall.

50 BC – Julius Caesar decides to go to France on a holiday, and ends up giving Goscinny and Uderzo enough material for over 30 comic books.

4 BC – Calender Manufacturers are given a four year deadline to standardise the measurement of years. Many try and attribute some significance to the year, so as to rename it.

( The next installment of the timeline will begin from the time when man discovers the latest form of entertainment – blasphemy!)


Entry filed under: Pai-isms.

A Mad Man’s History Lesson (Guest Post) Mad Man’s History Lessons: Timeline 2 by Sudhir Pai

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Kartikay  |  March 11, 2013 at 5:15 pm

    Pai at it again, eh?


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